Holistic Release of Grief
If you or someone you love is still feeling the pain of grieving about a loss of any type, please consider sharing this information. Grieving can be debilitating. Whether the grieving is from a recent loss or from a long time ago, or
whether it is the loss of a loved one, a beloved pet, an old relationship, a job, a company, your home or any other loss
that still stings as you think about the loss. This grieving stops us from seeing and feeling the joy of the good times
that we experienced before the loss. We have found a simple pattern with the EFT process that works. In individual sessions, we fully expect the pain to substantially lessen or completely disappear within one or two sessions.
Actually, this is usually accomplished in one session. We have found that if you can focus as we gently guide you in these recordings, one session should be all that is needed. Occasionally, listening a second time may be needed.
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Instructional, approx. 45 minutes: This video is an MP4 video which can be downloaded and watched on your computer. Please note that this is not a DVD video which can be played on a DVD player or through your TV, but again, can be watched on your computer or on an MP4 player.
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After the relief of the grief, many do want to share their story. Using EFT as one method of grief counseling helps those cope with the stages of grieving and achieve a sense of peace and closure. Having presented EFT to over 2500 people in almost 5 years, I have had dozens and dozens of grief cases, with some of them listed below. In almost all of them, this relief comes within a few minutes of applying EFT.
Below are some of the stories that were shared with me after using EFT to tap away grief.
1. While answering questions during the final minutes of a presentation, someone asked if EFT works on long term grief. Three elderly women had water in their eyes when they heard the question and were nodding their heads in agreement. Three or four others also raised their hands. Using a variation of the “Your Spot” from the training DVD’s, and I asked them all to focus, in their minds, on one thing that they wish didn’t happen or that they wish was different. Within 4 minutes of tapping all 6 or 7 people were expressing how wonderful they felt with the grief completely gone.
2. A 30 year old woman, Ecila, mentioned that her weekend wasn’t very great because her dog had just died on Friday and she has been crying all weekend. In a short conversation I also found out that her Mom died when Ecila was only 14 and she “pretty much got over it, but I still sometimes cry about it.” Eci related that her Mother went to the hospital one day for a supposedly minor ailment, but she passed unexpectedly several days later. After about 2 or 3 minutes of tapping, while focusing on a regret about studying for a final exam rather than visiting her Mom in the hospital, Ecila says “I really don’t feel like crying anymore. Thank you.” EFT is wonderful.
3. One woman wanted grief counseling over someone’s death. As with the majority of my clients, when we start I ask them to not tell me the story out loud. In less than 5 minutes, she was smiling. I was informed later on that my client was in weekly therapy and on anti-depressants for 7 months after she and her kids found her husband’s body in their back yard after he had committed suicide. She was another person who wrote in the feedback form “this is the first thing that worked.”
4.Andy related that he experienced the deaths of his Aunt & Uncle 2½ years ago. A best friend had also passed about the same time. He was in regular therapy and on prescription drugs for the last 2½ years for depression. He focused on one memory that he wished was different. The pain was gone in less than 5 minutes using EFT. (Andy is another client who wrote “This is the first thing that worked” in the feedback forms).
5. While attending a few wakes I have helped family and friends within minutes without anyone around us even sensing that we are doing any “processes.” In these situations I have never been told what memory they focused on. Immediately after the pain is gone they are back “into” being at the wake, socializing with family and friends.
6. Within 10 days of downloading the manual, I was with 8 people around a bonfire on a Friday evening before a weekend retreat. One of the women there had experienced EFT with me earlier with great results and she asked me to show it to the group. 5 minutes later, after one round of the EFT basic recipe and very little explanation, one of the participant's recounted how 12 years earlier he experienced the loss of a son. He was away on a business trip and his wife called to tell him that Mathew, their 10 year old son was ill and she was going to take Mathew to the doctor in the morning. She asked him if he wanted to talk to Mathew who was upstairs sleeping. The father said "No", let him sleep. In the morning he had canceled the rest of this appointments and scheduled a flight back home and his wife called. Mathew was worse and she had him in the warmed up car, as it was winter in Chicago land, and she was taking him to the emergency room. She asked again, do you want to talk to Mathew, and again the father said "No", keep him warm and take him to the hospital, as the father would be home in 2 or3 hours. Mathew died in the emergency room even before the father's plane lands. For all of those 12 years he could hear himself saying "No" for the last 2 times he had a chance to speak to his son on the planet. After that brief EFT procedure he said that it was like looking through 6 inches of glass. Any father would have said "No", let him sleep, and "No" keep him warm in those situations. He still thanks me often for that relief.
7. One author, Linda Padgurskis, included her EFT session in her first book, “P.H.I.S.H.” In her book Linda tells of the depression she felt every year around a particular holiday because of the association of the memory of her Father’s death on this holiday, many years ago. In one session of EFT with me and just a little tapping while focusing on a small regret, the subsequent holidays became joyful. You can purchase her book here.
From my experience of moderating prayer groups and discussion groups for the last 45+ years, along with presenting EFT to 3,000 people in the last 4 years, I fully expected a quick and complete release of their grief in just those few minutes.
8. During a break while attending a 3 hour workshop, another participant mentioned that her 17 year old daughter had committed suicide 8 years ago. Her voice faltered and her eyes watered as she told us this fact. I asked her if she would be open to a 3 minute experiment with EFT about grief as long as she does not have to tell me anything about the memory. She said yes and we moved off to a corner. As usual, I asked her to focus on whatever one memory comes up, minutes, hours or days before the event, that she wished did not happen, or that she feet bad about. She found one instantly (they always do) and then we tapped. Within 30 seconds she said she felt “much, much better”. When I hear “much better” rather than “its all gone”, to me it usually means that there is still some grief left over. In her case I asked her to see if there is another memory that has a bite. Another part she wished did not happen the way it did. She found another memory with her daughter that had a negative sting and we tapped again. This time she had tears of joy saying “this is wonderful” and “I can’t believe how wonderful I feel.” We were back to the workshop within minutes.
9. One woman did not experience the grief leaving her very rapidly, and she then said “I had too many headaches”. After agreeing to focus on only one time that she used that excuse the long term grief disappeared in minutes. After tapping about that first specific memory, the negative grieving feeling was gone totally even while looking at all of the other “Not tonight, Dear, I have headache” memories,.
10. At another “Introduction to EFT” session, a lady said years ago she had 2 elderly relatives die in the same month, and her dog died shortly after that. She started to cry as she began her story. Her “woulda/coulda/shoulda” was that she felt she should have paid more attention to her dog while she was caring for her relatives. The dog was ill but she thought he would get better. After the 2 funerals she took her dog to the vet. It was too late - the dog died at the animal hospital. She remembered and focused on one time when she came home after visiting her aunts in the hospital and her dog was sick. She was too tired and waited until the next morning. The dog looked a little better and, feeling relieved, she put off going to the vet and went to work instead. After less than 2 minutes of tapping while focusing on that one memory the Grief Relief with EFT worked like a charm again.
11. An elderly woman was grieving about the death of her husband, many years ago. The memory that sticks in her mind was during the frantic ride to the hospital she made a decision to take her husband to the closest, but smaller hospital. He passed away shortly after they got there but she always thought that perhaps she should have taken him to the larger hospital, a little farther away, instead of this close one. After using EFT for 3 or 4 minutes while focusing on the thoughts about perhaps she should have taken him to the other hospital, she commented about how silly it was to think that way at all. He died shortly after they got to the hospital so he probably would have died in the car, before they could have reached the farther away hospital. She said “Then I really would have felt guilty.” You could see the relief in the expressions on her face. A few others there with us commented to her that she actually looked much younger in just a few minutes.
12. One woman client had a 7 year old niece who died tragically many years ago and it was still bothering her. Weeks before the accident, the niece was visiting and she was on the phone. The niece was tugging on her dress and she said “wait a minute” impatiently. After finishing the phone call they had a wonderful day together, one to remember. For years until now, whenever she thinks of the niece, that “wait a minute” early in the morning keeps popping up in memory. After just a few minutes of EFT, focusing on the “wait a minute,” she had tears of joy remembering the full, wonderful day and all they did.
13. One interesting grief case came up first looking at anger. A middle aged woman worked on a memory from when she was 7 years old and her anger at an uncle who was teasing her. This anger stayed with her all of these years. About a week after the workshop she called and said she knew I would find this interesting. She remembered that I had said that “when the pain is gone, it pretty much stays gone, unless it is another issue.” Well this anger pain seemed to come back, until she took some quiet time and focused on it again while tapping. She said that she started to realize that it wasn’t anger, but feeling hurt at the time of the teasing. Right after the feeling of being hurt surfaced and she released it with further tapping, a flood of tears came with a feeling of deep grieving about her uncle who had since passed. She said that then she felt this great feeling of shame as she started to remember all of the times while she was growing up and at the many family functions she was icy cold to this uncle who at one time was her favorite. She said that after a lot of tears and just a little of the tapping, she was able to look at it without the pain. She did not realize that she was grieving her uncle’s loss and the loss of companionship with her favorite uncle during all those years. The pain of the grieving was covered up with the pain of feeling hurt as a 7 year old, which in turn was covered up with a feeling of anger at him for the teasing. She told me all of this with a laugh in her voice, thanking me again for the EFT.
14. In a class with 6 participants, 4 of them obtained wonderful relief from grief when we came to that part of the class. One woman, an Oral Surgeon who desired to learn EFT for her patients before and during the long process of the surgery, got in touch with the old pain of an argument with Mom before she passed. Another expressed how a death of an old friend years ago always stayed with her and bothered her for years. In this EFT process she got in touch with a minor memory about not staying in touch before the death. The 3rd chose to not relate any details relating to the pain, however she expressed the joy of the release of the pain. The fourth was a lesson for me. She was an older woman who was a little upset with me about some location issues for the 2nd day of the class which she expressed to me just before this exercise. She related a great and wonderful release of grief, emoting about it in a way that made me wonder if she was just making it up just to be part of the class. I was at a loss, and just thanked her for sharing, even though she didn’t share one detail of her grief or its release.
15. During a patient visit as a Hospice volunteer, one of the family members was inquiring as to my day job. After a brief explanation about EFT she asked if it works on worries over losing a company. Her business went under and she had many court cases, old bills and lawyer related things still going on. She agreed to experiment with EFT about the grief of losing the business. After just a few minutes of tapping while focusing on the one thing she wished she did not do, she quickly started expressing to her other family members about how great she feels and is now ready to move on. As with many of my clients, I don’t know what memory she focused on.
16. One woman in a class worked on her grief relating to a still born child 4 years earlier. She stated that the specific things that came up all seemed so very minor, but she agreed to tap about them anyway. She did find relief, but didn’t think it was “enough to write home about.” About 4 months later I received a voicemail from her expressing her happiness about getting pregnant again. She and her husband had been seeking medical and other help to get pregnant again, but to no avail for the past 3 years. When she found out that she was pregnant, it dawned on her that her grieving about the past, and her worry that it might happen again, were no longer with her ever since her tapping with EFT on those “minor” memories. She thinks that releasing that grief had a direct bearing on her getting pregnant again.
17. One man came to me about dealing with anger. He mentioned that he lost a great work position years ago and was still feeling anger and rage at some of the people who were involved. I chose to handle that one as another situation of grief. He also found his “woulda/coulda/shoulda” immediately. EFT again was very successful right off the starting block for that session. After just a few minutes of tapping while focusing on the memory that carried the feeling of regret, he was amazed that he was no longer angry at the people or the situation.
18. A number of clients, mostly women, have come to me about handling their feelings about their former marriages. Using the Grief Release Process has always worked wonders for these clients.
19. While Linda & I were at a dance just recently, a friend mentioned how she just has to learn to somehow release some bad feelings relating to her old boyfriend who is now dating someone she knows. We went out into the foyer of the dance hall. I asked her to look back prior to her & Bob breaking up and find the first memory that comes up that she wished did not happen as it did. She found it right away and released her grieving in 3 to 4 minutes using EFT. She was laughing at herself for letting it bother her. We went back into the dance and she tested it by watching her old boyfriend dancing with his new love. She shrugged her shoulders, smiled and waved to me and walked back to her table.
20. One woman expressed very strong grief over the death of a very good friend 9 years earlier. She and the friend were at an event on a Thursday evening. On Friday evening the friend called about taking in a movie. My client said “no” as she and her husband had tickets for a play that evening. She reminded her friend that they had a shopping date planned for Saturday, the next day. The shopping date was very enjoyable. Her friend died of a heart attack on Sunday morning. My client couldn’t get the memory out of her mind of saying “no” on that Friday before. While focusing on that memory and tapping for only a few minutes, she felt the feeling of grief “just melting away.”
THE FOLLOWING ARE FEEDBACK PUT ONTO OUR WEB SITE ON THE LINK ENTITLED "YOU TELL US."
E.L. -- Your EFT Experience ------>Tom helped me heal over the death of my mother when I was 14. Within minutes of tapping, I no longer felt like I wanted to cry when I thought about her.
F. S., -- Chicago--Your EFT Experience ------> My son was murdered almost 20 years ago and I could still feel a deep grief whenever his memory came up. In just a short, small part at the end of a session with Mr. Masbaum, he had me focus on what he called a "woulda/coulda/shoulda" on my part that comes up in mind. He said not to look for a particularly strong or weak "wish it didn't happen that way" memory, but to just watch for whatever memory or thought that comes up. I did think immediately of something that I wished I had not done just before the incident. I am a grown man of 70 who thought I had handled my son's murder fairly well years ago, but I burst into tears right there in the restaurant as I thought of that simple, tiny event that came up. He had me doing a little EFT tapping and the relief was immediate. I can sure see why Mr. Masbaum says that he loves what he does. I am truly grateful.
LYDIA -- Your EFT Experience ------> It's hard to believe how calm I feel ever since our EFT session. I find it easier and easier to feel the love. Thank you, Tom. I can see why you love what you do.
Mel -- Your EFT Experience ------> I was overcome with grief over a failed relationship that had ended and I can't express how grateful I am for Tom's help during our phone session. He guided me through a tearful EFT session with patience and compassion. Not only did I feel much lighter after our work, I was able to go out and continue a wonderful friendship with the woman I had broken it off with. I highly recommend EFT work with Tom. His warmth, generosity and intuition are a real gift and I know I'll return to work with him whenever other issues come up.
Tom Masbaum, EFT ADV & Linda Nyberg, EFT Practitioners
15457 Las Flores Lane, Oak Forest, IL 60452
Copyright © Tom Masbaum, 2007.
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